you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
