Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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