If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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