I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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