dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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