She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
