they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize