I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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