You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
