Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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