i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
