my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
