yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
