We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
did i walk over a car last night?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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