i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
