the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
