She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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