It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
