guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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