hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i've created a new STD.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
