K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
