She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize