just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
