I got chris browned last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
