you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
