is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
