She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
