But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
