do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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