Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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