Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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