So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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