i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
