No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
