Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
