Are we in a gay sports bar?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
