THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
