I think my vagina is haunted
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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