I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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