Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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