I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
