So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
