Where are you?
In a non slutty way
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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