I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
