Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize