you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
