i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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