I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So much rum. So many feels.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
