omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
