I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
