i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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