kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
