its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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