just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
