Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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