So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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