Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
