did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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