make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize