but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
