my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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