no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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