the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This is classic penis vs brain.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
