I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
