We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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