she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm having to shit out rocks
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize