Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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