i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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