I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
