1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have demons in me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
