whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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