went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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