I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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