Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
