i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
