Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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