we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
too bad you live with your parents still
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
