omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
