dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
