She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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