So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
