You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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